The Juice Box: Some Yucky Boy Humor

Cole was sitting at the table like this with his big bendy straw going from his mouth to his ear when he said, "My mouth wants to taste earwax and my ear wants to hear tastebuds!"

I told Clay about this and he didn't seem to find it as hilarious as I did. Nonetheless, here it is.

Cole Quotes

Eventhough Cole is 6 now, he still loves a good baby einstein movie. We were watching one of them and I had to turn the video off before it was finished. Cole was upset and said, "NEVER IN MY LIFE..." and then trailed off and marched away. 7/2010
We were at the park and it was time to go home. Cole sat himself down in the grass and didn't want to leave. I said, "Okay, Cole, you stay but we're going home. See you later, bye bye" etc. Cole said, "Your reverse psychology isn't going to work on me, Mommy". 7/2010
Cole, like most kids, loves sugar snap peas and snow peas. He has yet to appreciate just plain peas. One night at dinner he saw some little round peas on his plate and said, "Mommy, peas not in a pod? PUH-LEASE!" (Did you get that? Please, with emphasis on the "p"?) 6/2010
We got home from the store late one night, and still hadn't had dinner. I told Cole, "I'm sorry, but we just need to have some cereal real quick and go to bed." I placed in front of him a bowl of cereal and some strawberries. As he began eating, he said ever so earnestly, "Mommy...phenomenal dinner". 5/2010
Cole had some issues with his kindergarten teacher towards the end of the year, and so did I (she was a perfectionist which really exacerbated Cole's obsessive compulsive tendencies.) One day, out of frustration, I said, "I'm sorry Cole, but your teacher is just, she's just stupid. She's totally stupid. But don't ever tell her I said that". What a thing for a mother to say, huh? (eventhough it's true). Cole said, "Well, I think you should say it right in her ear...with a megaphone!" 5/2010
When Cole was having a little problem he said, "I'm in a pickle...expressionally", meaning he wasn't literally inside of a pickle. 5/2010
I'll use a different last name for this one. Cole went out to dinner with my parents and told them that his name is, "Cole Michael 'Can Do Anything' Smith. (oh, the fake last name kind of ruins it.) 3/2010
We were visiting my mom when Cole stood on the arm of the couch with his arms outstretched and said, "I'm gonna' do something really dangerous but still possible." 3/2010
Cole's friend said to him, "Cole, do you know why I'm so stupid?" Cole said, "You're not stupid. Stupid is a harsh word. Don't say harsh words about yourself." (It turns out he was "stupid" because he "keeps hitting his sister".) 2/2010
Cole and his friend were playing with some plastic fish and pretending that they were fishing. When his friend actually caught a fish, Cole quit playing because he can't stand the thought of an animal being captured. I had a long talk with him about how he can't always play things his own very particular way. Cole said, "But mommy, it's not the particularness in my brain, it's the love in my heart." 2/2010
It was a little cold outside so I told Cole to put on his jacket. He said, "No, I want to be cold and natural!". 2/2010
So Cole loves blueberries so much. One day as he was eating them he said dramatically, "Oh sweet, tender, juicy blueberries." 1/2010
Cole said, "My favorite thing to do in the whole world is to use my imagination. My brain is the bomb." 1/2010
We continually have to remind Cole to keep his fingers out of his nose. One day when I was telling him to stop, he said, "Uhh, I forgot I agreed to that." 1/2010
Cole said, "Do you know what one of my most special goals is?" I asked him what it was. He said, "To fly atleast sometime." After that conversation we listened several times to the song "I Believe I Can Fly". 11/2009
We were driving in the car when Cole sighed from the back seat and said, "Ahhh, my belly button...it brings back so many memories." I was a bit confused so he said, "Ya know, umbilical cord...?" 10/2009
When Cole's class was studying spiders he told me that he had to draw a spider web in class. Then he said, "And, as you would expect, I did an orb web." 10/2009
We were at park day today and Cole was enjoying playing space men with a boy from school. A girl from his class came up to him and asked him if he would like to build sand castles with her. I was concerned about what Cole's answer to this girl might have been, hoping that he didn't hurt her feelings (since I knew he would have wanted to keep playing space men.) Cole told me rather remorsefully, "Well, I just didn't say anything to her, cause I didn't know what to say, cause...cause... I was just...overbooked." 10/2009
Cole doesn't eat sandwiches well. One evening I was trying to get him to eat just 10 bites of a turkey sandwich. Cole begged and pleaded to not have to eat it and then said, "Please Mommy, what's one turkey sandwich more or less?" 10/2009
One day, after I had talked to Cole a little too sternly, I asked him to forgive me for talking mean. He said in the sweetest voice, "No mommy, you're never mean, not now in the present, not in the past, not in the future, not even in a different dimension." 9/2009
Cole asked me, "Why is there no punching faces involved in breakfast?" I asked him what he was talking about. He said, "because breakFIST'". 9/2009
Sometimes Cole makes up words. For example, he told everyone the other day that we were "registrating" for kindergarten. Yesterday, he wanted to play a story with his toys and said that it would be an "inverminent" story. According to Cole, this means that it wouldn't be just a dinosaur story, or car story, or any story confined to just one type of toy, infact, it wouldn't be confined to toys. "Inverminent" means "everything". To clarify, in an inverminent story, anything can be a character: books, shoes, desks, closets. Some of Cole's examples of potential characters included DNA and intestines.
At the grocery store I was considering buying some fish for dinner. Cole told me, "I hate fish! The only fish I like is fish sticks." I reminded him that he has never tasted fish sticks before. He responded, "It's fried, breaded meat--I know I would love it!" 7/2009
Cole said to me, "I love you all the way from apartment B10 to Heaven." 7/2009
We were at the park when Cole looked very thoughtful and said, "Life keeps getting stranger and stranger as the seconds go by." 6/2009
When Cole has something he wants to say, he cannot relax until he is able to say it. Anyway, Cole came with me to do visiting teaching this evening. At one of our stops he had something he really wanted to say. Of coarse, the other ladies were gabbing away so Cole was struggling to find a chance to jump in. He finally whispered to me, "Mommy, when can I become part of this conversation?" 7/2009
Cole is so very particular. We have told him this many times. Sometimes when he asks to do something that is rather absurd or unneccesary, he'll say, "Please, my particularness tells me to do this". Usually it involves putting a toy away a certain way, walking a certain way, eating a certain way, etc. He made one such request today (oh I can't remember what it was about) when he cried out, "Mommy please! Oh goodness sake, I'm so particular!" 7/2009
While Cole was putting on his Superman cape he said to me, "I haven't worn a costume in ages!" 6/2009
We were playing at the park on the jungle gym and Cole was pretending he was locked up in jail. I helped him escape but he soon ran into two imaginary guards. He quickly realized he had a way to foil the guards. He said, "Wait, there's a ladybug war going on in my ear". Then he reached to his ear and pretended to pull out a tiny gun at which point he shot the guards. 6/2009
When we were swimming today, Cole got out of the water and said, "Well that was bizarre." I asked, "What was bizarre?" He said, "My swimming". I asked him what made him say that about his swimming and he said, "Well, I didn't mean it literally." 5/2009
If you google, "the story of stuff" you'll find a video about how being a nation of consumers is destroying our planet. Clay thought that Cole might find this 20 min. presentation interesting so he had Cole watch it. Cole did indeed find it most intersting and has watched it about 10 times. It has taught him some new words. For example, he asked me one day while he was eating lunch, "Mommy, why are corporations bigger than the government?" 4/2009
We were explaining to Cole on the way to church today that he was getting a little too old for eating snacks during sacrament meeting. He responded, "I HATE that idea. I also hate 'fast-food' Sundays. My teachers never bring gummies on 'fast-food' Sundays." Clay and I quickly understood that he was referring to "fast" Sundays. 4/2009
Cole was crawling after Luke on the floor one day and Luke kept crawling away from him. Cole cried after him, "Lukey, you're the only person I need to live my life!" 4/2009
Cole love's to do things the dangerous way. For example, he can't seem to go up or down the stairs at my parents' house the normal way. One time when he was trying to go down the steps, skipping every other step, I asked him, "Why do boys have to do such crazy things?" He responded, "It's just our natural habitat." 2/2009
I've been working on some decorations for Luke's 1st birthday party (little prince theme). I showed Cole a big cardboard box and explained how I was going to cut it into two knights' shields. He said cooly, "Oh, that's an interesting thought." 3/2009
Cole had some of his toys on the couch to watch a show with him. He was worried that some of them couldn't see the show. He was quite concerned when I gently pointed out that they can't really see anyway. He responded, "Just get your imagination on, Mommy!" 1/2009
Cole love's chocolate pudding. When he saw some pudding in the fridge he said, "Mommy, I told you that I Iike to eat it at room temperature!". 3/2009
The boys and I were at the mall in the pet shop. We were looking at the puppies when I told Cole that boys are made of "snips and snails and puppy dog tails". He corrected me by saying, "No, boys are made of CELLS!" 2/2009
Oh how I love my Cole. He said to me, "Do you know what I can't get enough of?" I said. "What?". He said, "YOU!" 3/09
Cole love's his budgie so much. He said to me, "When I see Luke it makes my heart go to heaven." 1/2009
When Cole was playing with Luke a little too roughly and a little too "in your face", Luke began to get fussy and COle asked, "Why isn't Luke enjoying me?" 1/2009
Sometimes when Cole wants to show me or Clay something, he'll start by saying, "watch and learn". 12/2008
Cole said to me one morning, "So how are things going so far in the 'mommy life'?" 1/2009
Cole and I were talking about how he loved every animal. He then said, "I even love microbes! Well not every microbe, just the ones that turn milk to cheese." 1/2009
Cole is crazy about Luke. One day he was pushing Luke's head against his chest. When I asked him what he was doing he said, "I'm trying to put Luke inside my heart--because I love him." 12/2008
Luke has graduated to Cole's old toddler carseat. When Cole saw Luke in it for the first time he said, "Luke, I don't even know you in that seat." 12/2008
When we were talking about our Christmas tree, Cole said, "Everybody needs a Christmas tree, well except for people who celebrate harmonica." 12/2008
One day in the car Cole was telling me about a doll (that we sort of adopted from Grandma) named Bumb. He was telling me how Bumb is very small and then named things that are smaller and bigger than her. He then said, "A stop sign is much bigger than Bumb, for instance." 2008
When Cole was helping decorate the Christmas tree I told him that he did such a great job picking out ornaments at the store. He said "Oh, it was nothing." 12/2008
We've been reading a lot of Junie B. Jone's books lately and Cole likes to use Junie words sometimes. We were playing in a maze at the children's museum when he said, "Apparently, we've come to a dead end." 11/2008
Cole has always said that he wants to be a paleontologist, but recently he said that he might want to be a doctor. When I asked him why, he said, "Now I have stuck in my head about caring about people." 11/2008
We love to make smoothies on hot summer days. When Cole tipped his glass to drink the last sip of his smoothie, he said, "Watch out guys, the tide's coming in". 2008
One night I told Cole that we were going to the store and he could pick out whatever he wanted for dinner. He responded, "Oh, that sounds like a challenge." 11/2008
Cole thinks more about his appearance these days, or really just about his hair. He said to me, "Ya know mommy, some people don't have hairstyles. And I think Daddy is one of those guys." 11/2008
We were sleeping at my mom's house and I had turned our bedroom light on for a minute while Cole was trying to fall asleep. He called out, "Turn off that light! It's making my eyes dilate!" 11/2008
Cole was playing a game on the computer when he called out to me very distressed, "I'm having a little issues here!" 11/2008
Cole was helping me vacuum when he said to some crumbs, "Sorry crumbs, your days are over." 11/2008
Very rarely, Cole says things that aren't so sweet. We were in the car when he was in a giggly, silly mood and said, "Mommy, I hate you and you." I told him that wasn't very nice. Then he said, "But I said you AND YOU! So that's a good laugh." 11/2008
Cole says the sweetest things sometimes. We were at the zoo when out of the blue he said, "Mommy, do you know that I would do anything for you?" I told him he was so sweet, etc. and that I would have to write that down. He said, "Yeah, and when you write it down, put an exclamation mark at the end." 10/2008
At the grocery store, Cole was begging to get out of the cart. I told him "no". He said, "Please, I am certain that I will be careful." 10.2008
While I was getting Cole ready for bed he started counting backwards from 20. I told him he was so good at counting backwards. He said, "When I get to zero, you're gonna' stop bugging me." I asked, "How am I bugging you?" He said, "You're bugging me right now!" 10/2008
I was telling Cole that it was really neat how he tells everyone that Luke is six months old and zero years old and that it was great that he understood that about months and years. He said, "Well, when you explained it to me I didn't ask any questions about it, because I decided to just get along with it." 10/2008
When we were driving, I told Cole that we would be to his cousins house in an hour. He responded, "An hour! That's a whole week!" Another time when he asked when something would be happening, I told him, "In one day." He said, "One day! That's a whole year!" 10/2008
Cole and I were drawing some planets for a math exercise when I suggested that we draw four moons above each of them. Cole asked if all planets really have four moons. I told him, "No, but we could pretend they do." He said, "Well, I'm kind of more of a scientist than a make-upper". 2008
During Sacrament Meeting Cole and I were reviewing some of his drawings from the previous Sunday. I asked him what one of the pictures was and he said it was a planet. I asked him what the thing above it was and he said, "It's a sulfuric acid cloud." Of course. 2008
One day Cole kicked me really hard in the leg and I sent him straightaway to time out. He said back very dramatically, "OK, as you say so!" 2008
Cole was telling me about a time when he was playing Peter Pan with his cousins and how cousin Annie told him that they should "marry". I asked Cole what he said, and he told me, "I was just quiet as a plant." 2008

The Juice Box

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Some Yucky Boy Humor

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